"Suthnuhs"

"Suthnuhs"

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW THE RULES

Southerners know their summer weather report:

Humidity

Humidity

Humidity

Southerners know their vacation spots:

The beach

The rivuh

The crick

Southerners know everybody's first name:


Honey

Darlin'

Shugah

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Driving Miss Daisy

Steel Magnolias

Gone With The Wind

Southerners know their religions:

Bapdiss

Methdiss

Football

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl'stn

S'vanah

Foat Wuth

N'awlins

Addlanna

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos

Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall

The Country Club

The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails

Having bad manners

Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between

a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you

don't "HAVE" them,

you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many

fish, collard greens,

turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.,

make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that

"Gimme some sugar" is not a

request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty

little bowl

in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly

when "by and by" is.

They might not use the term,

but they know

the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace

for a neighbor who's got

trouble

is a plate of hot fried chicken

and a

big bowl of cold potato salad.

If the neighbor's

trouble is a real crisis,

they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up

knowing the difference between

"right near"

and "a right far piece."

They also know that" just down the road"

can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between

a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as

a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends

while standing in lines,

... and when we're "in line,"

... we talk

to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room

and half of them will discover

they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular,

and

all y'all is plural.

Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits,

and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food;

that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco,

and fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say,

"Well, I caught myself lookin',"

you know you are in the presence

of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say

"sweet tea" and "sweet milk."

Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar

and lots of it --

we do not like our

tea unsweetened.

"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little

old ladies

who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.

You just say,

"Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:

Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.

Bless your little heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding

all this Southern stuff...

bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes

on Southernness as a second language!

Southern girls know men may come and go,

but friends are fah-evah!

There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north and

nobody would buy the magazine!

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they hada been!

If you're a Northern transplant,

bless your little heart, fake it.

We know you got here as fast as you could.

an if'n y'all need moe esplainashun just ask our Squirt gal, Ima shu she can esplain

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