I'm reviewing the Situation

Why should we review our wedding vows? If we’re having problems with some of the clauses in our vows, let’s not blindly re-commit without some course correction. . I highly recommend the practice.

We started with “for better and for worse.” There are lots of ways you can take this general clause, but we decided to think of the traits we each have that put us at our worst. It was refreshing to admit that I can often be short-tempered and condescending. And even more refreshing to be told that when I’m at my worst, She reminds herself of my better qualities and actually counts the ways she loves me.

We moved on to “for richer and for poorer.” So much to review here we could have used a spreadsheet. We’ve had three kids in college at the same time. We’ve lived paycheck to paycheck, we’ve been in debt and climbed out, and we’ve made it – if not to the mountaintop, then at least to a nice hill. Along the way we’ve learned a lot about each other – not all of it wonderful – but we’ve learned to talk about it all. We gave ourselves good marks on this part of the review.

We also gave ourselves solid scores in the “through sickness and health” department. We’ve both enjoyed relatively good health, but we included grief, angst, and malaise in the mix, which gave us a lot more to review.

One of the conclusions we reached is this: When you’re standing at the altar, you are taking a colossal leap of faith. No matter how well you know each other, you really have no idea what’s up ahead. You’re driving blind through a snowstorm. And not only that, but you aren’t always exactly sure where you’re headed, which turns to avoid, and what landmarks to look for.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We married couples could do a better job of sharing our stories from the front lines. We parents and aunts and uncles could spend less time helping the couple create a fairy tale wedding and more time telling stories that don’t begin with “once upon a time.”

How about you? What could you offer to the young so they stand a better chance of success? After all, 50% ain't really good odds.

T

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